Have you ever wondered why some people seem to be happy much more frequently than others despite the similarity of circumstances they both experience? To be sure, there are folks who put up a facade of positivity and fake happiness, but that is disingenuous and only goes so far before the truth is revealed.
Emotions expert, Paul Rasmussen, writes in The Quest to Feel Good that happiness is an emotion indicating enhancement, a state of a subjectively felt plus. This characteristic of happiness differentiates it from most other emotions – those that ensure protection or the avoidance of pain. A second property of happiness is being a conjunctive emotion – one that brings people together, an emotion of affiliation. “Because happiness is a conjunctive emotion – writes Rasmussen – people are drawn to the happy person.” Intriguingly enough, however, happiness comes at a price. “While having people drawn to you might sound like a positive outcome, the fact is that those people often have expectations for the person [they perceive to be happy]. In addition, when one displays happy, conjunctive emotions, that individual is essentially signaling to others that they are available for others to make requests and demands.”
Yet despite costing a price, happiness does remain a rewarding emotion. Psychology research has revealed some specific differences between individuals who are generally happy and those who usually aren't. In an article published in the American Psychologist, Sonja Lyubomirsky attempts to identify several major habits that single out happy people from the rest of the crowd.
Social comparison: Happy folks are less sensitive to social comparison. They are more likely to feel sympathetic when their peers experience a failure and to be excited when those same peers achieve success. In a sense, then, they do not feel threatened by the happiness of others nor relieved by the misfortunes of those same others. Hence, don't expend time and energy monitoring how and if others are failing so that you can feel reassured that you are doing ok.
Events construal: This is very important – in one experiment, both happy and unhappy participants reported experiencing similar positive and negative events. However, when they were interviewed several weeks later, those who were typically cheerful remembered both the positive and the negative aspects of their events more favorably. They had used those events to learn important lessons, had adapted more successfully, had used humor to cope with minor adversities, and had done something to improve the situation. Happy individuals did not dwell on bad or complicated events as much. Yes, they still acknowledged them but tended to learn a lesson from the experience and move on more quickly as opposed to constantly brooding over the event and feeling stuck. Additionally, those folks were more inclined to like the same stranger that unhappy individuals rejected and to describe that stranger in pleasant ways. As Lyubomirsky sums this up, “When such perceptions and experiences are repeated over a lifetime, happy and unhappy people may be able to preserve their happiness and unhappiness, respectively” and thus make it a permanent feature of their personality.
Postdecisional rationalization: Unhappy individuals were dissatisfied with their options – they evaluated what they chose or received as mediocre and considered what they didn't choose or receive as even worse. In contrast, cheerful individuals were satisfied about all of their presented options, regardless of what they ended up choosing or receiving. The only exception to this finding was options that threatened their sense of worth, such as colleges that rejected them (#foodforthought).
Goals: The goals happy participants chose were realistic, intrinsically meaningful, consistent with their personal values, culturally appropriate, and success-focused (as opposed to failure-focused). Indeed, when goals meet these criteria, they lead to a more intentional, purposeful living; one feels more spiritually and existentially connected and more present in the moment.
Despite the depth and breadth of this research, however, this comparison between happy and unhappy participants may not be all-encompassing. There may be other differences between happy and unhappy folks that do not fit these four categories of mental life. As one person with severe mental illness said, “Sometimes, just having a can of soda in your hand can make you happy.”
So, there you have it – some major differences to be on the lookout for as we go about our everyday life. Merry happying!
References
Lyubomirsky, S. (2001). Why are some people happier than others: The role of cognitive and motivational processes in well-being. American Psychologist, 56, 239-249 DOI 1O.1O37//0OO3-O66X.56.3.239
Rasmussen, P.R. (2010). The quest to feel good. New York: Routledge.